Venison!
by muhaaauder
Summary: “They’re feeding us venison, guys! And I, as PRONGS, have a bloody problem with that!” James Potter discovers ethics when deer is on the menu at Hogwarts. He is even more offended when his friends eat it. About all the Marauders, not just RL and SB...


**Disclaimer:** They're not mine. They're all the wonderful Rowling's. A huge, forehead-scraping bow to her for creating them.

**A/N:** Yeah, I know it's Halloween and that this has nothing to do with it. Ah, well. Who knows, maybe I'll do something Halloweeny for Christmas, then.

Also, yes. This is completely random. I am planning to actually make a story out of it, though, which I'm quite proud of. I'll also be proud of any reviews I get. :D

I'll stop babbling and release upon you a miffed Prongs.

* * *

"I cannot bloody _believe_ it!" the peace and quiet of the Common Room was rudely broken by a loud voice. Though it sounded much more agitated than usual, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin knew it only too well. Sure enough, the next second, James Potter trotted over to them with an amused Sirius Black by his side.

"What's wrong, Prongs?" With a sigh, Peter looked up from his Charms homework.

"Have you heard the menu for tonight?"

"Uhm… no. Only the two of you would actually bother with that."

"Well, it was good that we bothered tonight," with a trademark evil grin, Sirius claimed an armchair, "though it might have upset Jamie here a little."

"Venison – it's _venison_, guys!"

Remus, who had determinedly kept his eyes on his homework until now, looked up at once.

"Really?" The eager look in his eyes made Sirius laugh. "Wrong reaction, Moons."

The werewolf looked around wildly. "What's wrong, James?"

""They're feeding us _venison_, guys - _deer_! And I, as _Prongs_, have a bloody problem with that!"

His friends tried, and failed, to hide their sniggers. At the sound, James stopped abruptly and stared at them in disbelief.

"It's NOT funny! I'm one of them half the time!"

"Well, James, I don't think Prongs should roam the grounds tonight – you never know if they're actually getting the meat from there." Peter remarked thoughtfully.

"Oh, would you take this seriously!"

"Would you believe it? The notorious James Potter has stumbled upon some ethics!" With an effort, Remus returned to his calmer, helpful self, "It's alright, Prongs, you'll just have to go vegetarian tonight, I guess."

"Yeah, I know… Wait! It's not just me! You can't be planning on eating it?" James, who'd finally slumped into an armchair, sat up straight and stared accusingly at his friends.

For a second, only silence answered him. Then Sirius, helpful as ever, said "well, yes, of course, Prongsie-boy." James's eyes shot daggers at him for a second. His reaction, however, wasn't really unexpected, and James turned his attention back to the more empathetic of his friends. "Peter ? Remus?"

Peter shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really mind that much. What's the vegetarian stuff like?" He noticed James's expression and hastily added, "Sure, I'll drop the venison."

"Thank you, Pete. It's good to know I've got real friends," he shot Sirius another dirty look and was met by a cheeky wink, "Remus?"

The others now noticed the discomfort their friend was in. "Well, I sympathise with you, James, I really do," the werewolf uneasily squirmed further into his seat, "it's just… I love venison."

James gasped and opened his mouth, ready to fire off a scorching reply. Sirius laughed loudly, and shot across him with "C'mon James, he's got an excuse. You know, with his," Sirius looked around the room and lowered his voice, "lycanthropy and all. Wolves eat deer – it's natural." Remus nodded, though he had the decency to look ashamed. He tried not to hunt in his wolf form, but declining it when it was served – literally – on a silver platter in front of him was too much to ask.

James's eyes were tiny slits as he answered, "oh yeah? What's your excuse, then, Sirius?"

"I, as Padfoot, am bound to eat meat. Venison has been a stable part of my diet forever – blame that on my pompous parents – and I think Padfoot would be mightily pissed off if he were to miss out on a well-prepared, juicy, tender venison steak," Remus swallowed audibly, "just because his stupid ponce of a mate has decided to turn into Bambi."

Peter, who'd been sniggering at Sirius's words, looked up to see James staring stone-faced at him. He thought quickly and said, "James, you know, the, uhm, deer has probably already been killed. Wouldn't it then be better that they eat it than let it go to waste?"

James opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again when he found he really didn't have a counter argument. Instead, he turned back to Sirius. "You don't have a proper excuse, mate. Eat that and you're dead." Sirius merely chuckled at the threat.

"Sorry my friend, but we're canines – it's only natural." For another long second, James stared at his best friend, who stared back looking anything but guilty. Then, James turned around abruptly, and marched through a group of their fellow fifth years, ignoring even Lily Evans on his way to the dorm.

The other three looked at each other with concern. Since the middle of last year, James had never missed a chance to attempt – and fail - to woo Evans. Apparently, she'd noticed to. She was staring at the door to the fifth year boys' dormitory with her eyebrows raised and her mouth slightly agape. When she saw them looking , she started chatting animatedly to the nearest person, who happened to be a startled first year passing her way. Peter and Sirius followed her example and returned to their own conversation.

"Prongs really does seem mightily pissed off."

"Yup."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Remus joined in, looking amusedly at Sirius.

"Not in the slightest."

"You know, I would've just thought that with you being his best mate and stuff…"

"Being his best mate means I know when to leave him alone. Something seems to suggest that he's a little annoyed with me right now, so I stay out of his way. Simple, but it works." Sirius put his legs on the table and stared at Remus, who looked uncomfortable, but stared back. Silence ensued for a moment before Remus shook his head and stood up.

"I'll go check on him. He does seem really bothered. You know, maybe we should just forget about that venison…"

Sirius snorted, "Remus, do you really want to give up all that tender, juicy," Remus's jaw moved slightly, "perfectly roast meat because James's decided to be in a strop…"

"…And he's not really too happy with you either right now, Moony." Peter offered.

Remus took half a step towards the stairs, then wavered. "Imagine the smell, Moony. The rough texture when you bite into the meat… The taste as the juice meets your tongue..."

With a sniff, Remus sat back down. "Who cares about Prongs anyway?" He said with a grin. He then bit his lip anyway and added, "you know Pete, he's not in a strop with you. Maybe you should go check on him…"

"Yeah, I will. He can wait 'till I finish this, though," he smiled and gestured towards his essay. The three sat in companionable silence for a while as, Remus could have sworn, the delicious smell of roast venison wafted all the way from the kitchen to the Common Room.


End file.
